On the Eve of Fate

{Goodbye 2010! I will miss you sorely: all that you were to me, yet so much you have taught me forever. Greetings, 2011!!! :D}

I am a person of lists. If there was a list for life (long though it might be), I would be one of the dorks racing to read it.

That's not to say that I'm good at following the lists. Checking things off, conquering projects, and reaching goals makes me hugely accomplished (which is why list-making is so very helpful). But you can't live by a list. It's like living by the law: it just won't work.

Be that as it may, almost every single New Year's Eve (or several days prior...) I grab a notebook and scribble down the changes I want to see in myself - my New Year's Resolutions. Then I type up the finished product in some snazzy fonts, print off a couple of copies, and put them around my room.

Usually, three months later, I've lost all or most of the copies. I also have scratched off approximately one thing from the list.

Next year rolls around, and I can't even remember some of my so-called resolutions.

And yet, I'm going to do it again this year. Why? Because it helps me to get my thoughts down on paper. To really identify what's important and what's not. Maybe I don't have enough resolve to carry out my resolutions, but at least I've tried.

But this year is going to be different. This year, I'm going to fully acknowledge, to myself and my faithful readers, that this "resolution" list for 2011 is going to be secondary. Secondary to one thing, one phrase, one thought, one idea that I'm praying transforms every part of me into someone I can no longer recognize:

"Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God." ~ 1 Corinthians 10:31

Everything. All. Whatever you do.

Those are incriminating and binding words. They're iron chains of truth that cannot be dissolved by time or desires or human power. And you know what that means? It means giving myself, body and soul, to the One who will never let me go.

My heart.
My soul.
My dreams.
My plans.

Everything about me that I don't want to lose is going to be given up. For, "He who finds his life will lose it, but he who loses his life for My sake will find it."

ZEAL: fervor; eager desire or endeavor; enthusiastic diligence; ardor; passion.

This is my dream for the New Year. Ushering in 2011 with a fire burning inside of me, a flame unquenchable. For if He is for me, who can stand against me? If I have His love, whose other favor do I need?

Christmas, Graffiti, and other Epic Things

Getting into the "Christmas spirit" at last :) *sigh* God is so good, is He not? Where would my life be without Him? When everything's so inconsistent and just the opposite of peachy-keen, He's constantly the same. Plus, I don't have to worry about finding someone to blab my secrets to ;)

{The rest of my post is random thoughts that don't have any lessons or helpful information to spout, but may in fact become useful as I go along...If you dislike ramblings, you may want to stop reading here. Heh heh.}

Graffiti! I want to learn how to do graffiti :) If it wasn't so illegal, it would be so very...never mind. Graffiti wouldn't be half as attractive if it weren't illegal. But all it is, is art with spray paint. [Shut off the part of your brain that is screaming vandalism. Please.] And just because those artists happen to be punks or no-good teenagers (not what I want to call them but how others view them) doesn't make them any less talented.

Besides, it looks cool :P Anyone want to teach me?? I WILL learn one of these days! Then I'll paint random walls in my house with amazingly distorted words and pictures...

Has anyone besides me noticed that the word "epic", once a phenomenon of the human slang language and a truly unique word (if I do say so myself), has now become overly used? I hear is almost as much as "cool" nowadays, and it's getting on my nerves. Just slightly. It doesn't help that it's coming from adult mouths, too -_-

If something doesn't make you think twice, or spit out whatever is in your mouth, or jump up and down with joy (or rage...), or make you gasp, then it probably isn't epic. Even then, that's stretching the definition :P

As you can see, I'm starting to rant. I just would rather type it all up then fill one person's ears with all of this nonsense. Which is why I shall not take offense if you found this boring because, quite honestly, I have absolutely no reason to boast that my thoughts are interesting. They're not. The only reason thoughts are interesting is because they don't sound like your own...

I should stop there. That's sort of a story idea I had a while back, but NaNo interupted and I haven't returned yet. I'll save the imaginative tale-spinning for bedtime.

Adios, amigos! Au revoir, mon ami!

Meaning

I haven't posted in a while =X Tape my mouth shut and cut off my fingers (I have my crazy friend Abby to thank for the thoughts of dismembered appendages :P).

Or something.

My life has been a crazy mess of mixed-up feelings (oh, the deceptiveness of emotions...) and random events lately. There are little daily trials, joys, triumphs, and failures, but I forget them as soon as I sit down to type.

It's hard to find the meaning in my days, sometimes. Ever feel as if you're chasing yourself in a little circle, unable to break the cycle of being what you hate? Ever wished you could do something stupid, destructive, or just plain dark in order to feel as if you could put your mark on the world?

I know you're probably thinking, "There goes Caitlin, being all dramatic again..." Yes, call it drama, or depression, or being emo, or whatever you like, but it's just me. Letting my feelings bleed out onto paper (er, the screen). It's kind of therapeutic for me to write about what I'm going through.

But I'm sure you're quite bored ;). Anyway, back to reality. Here it is: what I'm going through is both significant and insignificant. God is what truly matters. Everything else is just dust bunnies cluttering up the room.

Goodnight to all! In the cold night, think on your life. Think about what matters. Because, while no one is opposed to going caroling or buying friends and relatives Christmas gifts, most people are afraid of putting their lives in God's hands...

[If none of this makes any sense, that's okay. Be comforted in the fact that I will probably wake up tomorrow, read this post, and be just as confused as the rest of you. If, however, you have gained insight/meaning, then I am humbly pleased that God is working through me <3]

Pure as Snow

This beautiful, pure, fresh-fallen snow is reminding me how God forgives. How, through His son, I have been washed clean and all my sins are forgiven. Not only is this making Christmas more of a spiritual reality, but it's making me excited for living this life I've been given FOR HIS GLORY!

"Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God." ~ I Corinthians 10:31

This is an incredibly short post...but I have life to live! :)

Snow Wanderings

The snow has arrived!! :D And then, I'm afraid, it melted a bit today...

I don't have much to report. I've been writing a lot - I have to get as much as I can in before Christmas break hits and I get all lazy ;). I'm almost done with all of my Christmas shopping (yes!).

Still not in the Christmassy mood. I've got music, my mom has the decorations up, and there is some caroling planned, but I just can't seem to get pumped about it. I suppose, though, that Christmas isn't about being excited. It's about where my heart is.

And right now, circumstances being what they are (aka, unsatisfactory to my selfish little desires...), my heart is having to rest entirely in God. It's both frightening - letting go of the control I think I have - and amazing - resting in His love and plan.

It's like walking into a blizzard, sometimes.

One Lovely Little Mess

So, like many hundreds (or is it thousands?) of others, I completed the NaNoWriMo challenge. Ta da! Thus follows pats on the back, applause, and general awe...

All of which makes me think that I deserve a break. But I don't.

The novel, my glorious story, is very far away from being actually finished. Revising is the next step, than editing, and than handing it out to those of my friends who are being conned into giving me their opinions (heh heh).

And after all of that relatively easy stuff, I have to go through the process of deciding what to do with the thing and how to do it...possibly publishing...query letters...

Ahem. Maybe I should shut up. I'm freaking myself out.

Anyway, to see to it that I don't chicken out and leave my manuscript in a corner gathering dust while I live out my life in snow-heaven (snow! :D), I am going to use this blog as an "accountability partner", if you will. All of you who would enjoy harping on me to finish, well, go ahead and do so :) (blog email: elizabeth.marie.inked@gmail.com)

Randy, over at AdvancedFictionWriting thinks that goals, penalties, and prizes are the way to go (and I happen to agree). My current goal is this: have manuscript through the first preliminary edits (I'm thinking three?) completed by the end of December.

I know, I know; I'm shooting for the stars here. Or am I? ugh. Tired of thinking.

I further hope to be handing my manuscript over to a real editor (a friend of mine) by the end of January.

I'm gonna need some real work ethic, writing tips, and a lot of support. The latter one means you guys :P Even if you're not reading this, I don't care. Just putting it up on the blog is going to help. Writing out what I've done (or not done, as the case may be) is going to force me to take action.

Life will go on, though: school, Christmas shopping (oh snap...), snowboarding (only four days to go! :D), chores, and my relationship with God. Also, I'm learning bar chords on guitar.

Life's one lovely little mess, isn't it? :)

Tidbits - < ^ _* + ! ~ `/

I like the idea of sitting down with a newspaper, just reading away, and smelling that wonderful smell of newsprint in my nose. Unfortunately, we never get the paper. But now the newspaper is only a collection of accusations, horrors, deaths, and political aspects that everyone reads but nobody believes, anyway.

Am I totally wrong on this? I admit that I could be...

Antique technology sounds like an oxymoron. And I love oxymorons <3

There is something about finishing things that is infinitely more difficult than starting them. Anyone, for instance, can wash a few dishes - and still leave the kitchen a mess - or perhaps cut up an old dress in preparation for sewing it - and then leave it in pieces. But the people who finish things are the ones who become things.

I am not a finisher. But I am going to be :)

Why is it that sad songs can almost always make me sad, but happy songs only make me happy sometimes?

Growing up involves a lot of growing and more "down" than the phrase suggests.

I've let my book (NaNo novel) sit for a day or so, but I printed it out (all 202 pages of it) and it is now sitting in three different folders, waiting for revisions and edits. It's tempting to look at it, but, as The Plot Whisperer says, I am to leave it alone until I've done a bit of pre-work. Mostly with my characters.

So yeah. Here's a few tidbits from today :) That's not including the range of motions that I've been through, or the disappointments I've had, but that's okay. They're pretty juvenile, not to mention minuscule, anyways, so the less I mention them, the better.

Ta ta for now!

Godliness With Contentment

Just a reminder to look down below (waaaaay way down below the posts - give your mouse a nice little workout) to the cute little pictures I put there :) The first two are Pon and Zi and the other one is just...self-explanatory.

Now that you're back from your LONG journey to the "end" of my blog and back (and had a good little smile at those pictures), you can hear what I have to say.

...Or not. I can wait. Although it's awfully hard *sighs*.

.....

Have you ever had those moments where somebody tells you you're acting a little down and out, or they ask you what's wrong, and you go blank? And then, suddenly, you realize that you haven't been yourself for most of the day. You're grateful to that friend for seeing right through you. But you're also left wondering: Why?

I did that today. I didn't think I was having a bad day - and, truth be told, I wasn't; I was in a blah mood. There's no point for being that way, though. I have an AMAZING family, AWESOME friends, SPECTACULAR books to read (and write :P), and a host of other things to be happy about.

Being satisfied is just not easy to do. Probably because I'm looking in all the wrong places...

So happy "Happy Place" hunting! We're all looking for that place, that person, that situation, that is going to make our lives complete. Guess what? On this earth, we're just not going to find it! God is the only thing that can ever truly give you (and me) the contentment and purpose that we so desire.

God's Forever,
<3 Caitlin <3

Winter Wonderland

(Despite the happy-go-lucky clouds floating in the background, I really am thinking about winter! I have changed my blog yet again...but it's only natural, since I keep changing as well ;))

Today was a glorious day because it snowed. I know for some of you (perhaps many of you), snow is a bother, because it means driving slower, wearing more clothing, and buying new tires. It means cold and lots of wetness.

But for me, snow is something else entirely. [No, I'm not immune to being cold and wet (unfortunately).] Snow is a miracle. It's beautiful, not to mention pure, in its whiteness. Snow means snowball fights, sledding, and snowboarding - and don't forget those odd snowmen with noses that are falling off! It means laughing in awe and wonder as something lighter than cotton candy brushes your cheeks.

Pretty soon, there will be icicles. Ice, you say, and shudder with dread. But think of the beautiful light reflected inside a piece of ice. More beautiful than man-made glass, ice is sharp and dangerous, while at the same time frail enough to melt at the touch of a finger.

Winter is a wonderland, is it not? I can't say that I'd want a whole year of it, but every time it comes around, I am glad to see it. And even if none of those things about winter intrigue, there's something else wonderful about it: just when the cold is most bitter, you can curl up safely indoors with a blanket, your favorite bunny slippers (don't lie - I know you have some :P), hot chocolate, and a novel. Bliss.

Every day you are alive is another chance to make a difference. To enjoy what God's given to you. To love someone. To rejoice in the fact - and that fact alone - that God is *awesome* and holy and merciful.

<3 SnOWflaKes <3