Friday, January 1, 2016

The End of an Era

Well guys, 2015 is dying, and no amount of resolutions is going to halt the passing of time, or the crazy unknowns that come with it. 

This has been a year of chasms for me. Chasms I felt that I had to learn how to cross...but the more I agonized over these troubles, the wider the chasm got. But if I walk beside it for a moment, enjoying the terrifying vertigo of one arm dangling over the edge as I stroll, I start to notice something. The chasms become other things. Rivers. Forests. Mountains. Things I can deal with one step at a time - things that hold blessings, too.

Nearly three years ago, God drew me to Colorado against my will.
...and it became the best thing that ever happened to me. 

I've noticed that my dreams are coming true. 

1. At my job, I get to act goofy, and yet still have an office and dress business-casual and be in charge. People call me Nugget. I get to be around kids all day. Maybe I see the worst sides of them (and believe me, I do!). But it's like I'm all grown up without ever having to grow up. 

2. Remember those silly ambitions you had when you were a kid? Well, one of mine was to eat doughnuts all the time. Yep. Full-fledged career choice right there. And guess what? My second job right now is doughnut-making. Past Me would be so proud. 

3. Living in Colorado, I'm almost guaranteed to have a white Christmas every year. 

4. I have adventure. Life here is never boring - sometimes in fun, other times scary, ways. 

It's not how I imagined my dreams coming true at all. But that's because God's been planning my life, not me. I honestly forgot that these were even some of my dreams. He doesn't really forget any details, does He?

The biggest thing I've learned this year is what it means to love. I've been forced to realize that I can't love someone until I know something about them that I don't want to love. That's where it begins. And at that point, it no longer has anything to do with whether or not it's worth it for me, personally; it's whether or not I believe it's the right thing to do.

Here's some flashbacks to some of my happiest moments from 2015. 

From surfing to hiking to snowshoeing to learning to drive in the snow. Fighting my fear of heights by rock climbing. Learning what it means to be a leader and actually take responsibility. Don't be afraid to go where you'd rather not and learn things you didn't choose to learn. 

The enchanting forests and rocky beaches of Oregon.

Friends in all shapes and sizes. 

A new tattoo.

So many tiny humans.

An incredible boyfriend that I couldn't ask more of. 

And the two people who made all of this possible: my parents. 

"When I lose my way,

And I forget my name,

Remind me who I am.

In the mirror all I see,

Is who I don't wanna be,

Remind me who I am.

In the loneliest places,

When I can't remember what grace is.

Tell me once again who I am to You:

I'm the one You love. 

And that will be enough."

~Jason Gray