Looking Like a Sel-Fish =/

This verse really hit me this morning.

~ Philippians 2:3-4 ~
“Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.”

It's convicting, isn't it? All of God's Word is. You cannot escape the truth; and why would you want to, when it can set you free?

Yeah, I'm still writing. Still focused deeply on nano. But this verse just reminds me how much I was focused on ME today. And it's making me incredibly sad.

Everything that goes through my head, every day, is about me. Not about God, not about others. You know the kind. Here's a sample: I'm thirsty; I'm hungry; I hate washing the dishes; school is getting worse every day; why me? And so on and so forth. There's no escape from self.

I have become a fish. A selfish person. No, scratch that; I always have been selfish. Now is the time to change, though.

So I quote the verse again, promising to memorize it, to quote it whenever I start complaining. I think about the wistful looks my brother gives me when he's bored and he misses his recluse-of-a-sister who won't play a game with him, and I know that I am selfish. I picture all the friends that I've neglected...there's always something I want. Always something that isn't mine to have and to hold, and I WANT IT.

But when the day is all said and done, or when my life has faded away, what will any of that matter? Even if I become famous, or successful, this life will just burn - all my hard work to make something of myself will blow away on the wind like ashes. So where do I stand?

On the brink of God's ocean. Waiting to be swept away, afraid to dive into the murky depths. I won't be able to see in there; I'll have to walk by faith. And I'm scared. Being selfish sounds really easy, doesn't it? Or just ignoring the truth. Yeah, that's nice, too.

But not for me. I'm going swimming :)