Well, God's been speaking to me a lot lately (I call them "revelations" :)). That's a good thing. What's not a good thing is the reason He's been speaking to me. Obviously, I don't know the mind of God and there's no way I can really know what He's thinking. But I can make an educated guess. Based on my horrible little brain.
I've been up and down -- more downs than ups, but that's okay -- and I keep coming back to God after every down. Problem? He has to yank the rug out from under me just to get my attention. It's not that dramatic every time, to be sure, yet I can see a very sad little pattern here. A pattern of me being rebellious and selfish and lethargic and *winces* lukewarm. Then I pause for a moment to reflect and realize how wrong I am, how awesome He is, how much more I have to live for...
And then a few days later, I'm stuck in the gutter again, growling at anyone who dares to lift a finger to try and help me :P
If I'm frustrated with myself, I can only imagine what a thorn I must be to God sometimes. And to everyone else, for that matter. Depressing, yes. Enlightening? Yes, that too. Because I see that I'm wrong. I just don't know how to stop this sickening cycle!
I'm going back to His Word, though, knowing that if I seek, I will find, and if I ask, I will receive. Guess what he showed me today? Luke 10:41-42. Even though it's a rather obvious concept, it takes a nudge from the Holy Spirit for me to actually perceive the meaning in the words. He's done a lot of nudging lately.
Luke 10:41-42 ~
"And Jesus answered and said to her, 'Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things. But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her.' "
Ah, the two sisters, Mary and Martha. Differing ideas and personalities, different perspectives on life...and what's important. Unfortunately, I have the same tendencies as Martha: worrying about unimportant, material things when right in front of me is the Creator! He's called me, and here I sit, dithering away my time pining after things I do not have. Longing to be different than who I am. But I have God. Do you know how many people there are on earth who don't know Jesus Christ as their Savior?
I don't. I should. But it's like I can't see anything beyond my own little window. There is so much out there, a ripe harvest of souls, and there are not nearly enough people who dare to be God's "hands and feet" and do the work that He's called us to do.
I probably sound preachy. The world tells us that we have to be careful not to tread on others' toes. To be kind, and tolerant, and avoid sounding "too preachy." Did Jesus ever say that? Did He ever warn His disciples to "break the news gently"? No. He said, "Go into all the world and preach the gospel to every creature."
Heh. Preaching. I'm horrible at it, in that I really don't have anything to say -- they're God's words and not mine! I'm great at it, in that I do it far too often, probably, and I know I really should take care of the twelve-ton boulder blocking my vision first [that's a twist on the whole "log in your own eye" analogy thing lol].
I just want to encourage you to be in the Word. Even if it feels like you're just reading it to read it...because you know you're supposed to...it can still work. This is God's word we're talking about here! Take some time to dig in and hear what He wants to say to you. Maybe pray before you open up the Bible. Pray that you will be open-minded, pray that He will make you the new creation that He promises <3
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