I really dislike myself right now. Mostly cause all I think about is me, me, me, ME! (And if it's bugging me, chances are, others have noticed it too.) I guess love is not what I have inside of me right now.

"Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." (I Corinthians 13:4-7)

Huge words jumping out at me: LOVE DOES NOT PARADE ITSELF.

End of story. There's nothing more. There aren't "conditions" that follow; no subscript saying, "except if you like someone and just want to 'be yourself' " or "except if you're tired and you've tried hard all day and you just can't try any more."

No excuses. Zilch. You just leave yourself out of this. This is love. Love never seeks stuff for itself - it always looks at what's best for others. And God is our ultimate example of love.

He doesn't just love. He is love. God is the perfect, holy embodiment of love.

So why do I wander around looking for love from guys who, honestly, couldn't care less about me? Why do I try to be accepted down here, when I don't even belong?

Disturbing questions. Ones that I can't answer. "The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak." I do the things I hate, and I can't do things I want to do.

Lord, help me. Teach me to love. Teach me to stop this "me spree" and be someone who could care less about what happens to me, but instead, spends time thinking of others. Help me never to leave Your side. Amen.