There's so much I don't understand; I have so many questions...

How do I "obtain" or become "in-tune" with the Holy Spirit?

What, exactly, is worship?

Where should I go to college?

I always want to know. I'm always harping on my family to tell me the plan. But God doesn't always give us the answers. In fact, most of the time, He gives us zero information. Like with Abraham: "Now the Lord had said to Abram [Abraham]: 'Get out of your country, from your family, and from your father's house, to a land that I will show you...' " [Genesis 12:1]

Okay, Lord...I am listening. What? You want me to go where? Nowhere?! Oh. I get it...sort of. But - couldn't I have a little hint?

We have to take steps in blind faith all the time. There aren't big signs saying, "Caitlin, go to Ashland University and get a degree in journalism." Instead, we just have to trust.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all you ways, acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path." Key word here: all. ALL of my heart must trust in Him. ALL of my ways must come subject under Him.

The key word is also my problem. I serve Him with my mouth...but not with my heart. I turn so often from His ways and I decide to chart my own course. Only, I just get lost. And hurt. And then I know I have to come humbly before Him and ask Him to help me because, quite honestly, I'm ready to quit.

To quit on life. To quit on God (but He'll never quit on me). To quit on purity. To quit on "religion."

It's simple to do the opposite thing, isn't it? It's easier to ignore someone than it is to confront them. It's easier to be put on a false cover than showing who you really are.

And it's easier to keep running away - pushing others away - than it is to open up and trust.