I'm always seeking more, more, more! As sinful humans, we all tend to do that: not letting God be all we need in our lives, and instead seeking the things that the world offers. But the more I try to get fun, money, recognition, affection, and success according to the world's standards, the more I feel like I'm grasping for the wind! I can't get enough of anything...and so I turn to God and yell at Him for not satisfying me! Imagine that - us getting disappointed with the world, and then getting upset at God for not letting us have our "fun".
Then, on top of all of that, I start to worry about things. Things like money, events, college, driving, taking tests, getting through life (huh...my biggest worry right now...LOL), and finding fulfillment. Life is full of traps! I start running around in circles, getting absolutely nothing done that matters eternally. I start to feel like I'm just "living", without really LIVING. Does that make sense? Have you ever felt that way? Like you can't get out of your box, your routine, like you're stuck in this life without hope of something more...even though I'm still a Christian, I have moments of doubt. Not about the existence of God, who loves me - that is quite true and clear for me. But about what my purpose in this world is, and what I'm supposed to do with the lifetime that I am given here on this earth.
Sometimes I feel like a black-and-white picture, stuck in an old frame. I want some color, warmth, activity, something to show that I really am alive! But how do I get there? How do I get my color back?
Oh, Lord, Please show me how to live...
Something that really triggered my heart and soul this week was this passage in Mark 6:25-34:
“Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature? So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.”
Also, I listen to Adventures in Odyssey (it's free online!! :D), and this one brought some things to light. I believe it's called W-O-R-R-Y (how appropriate).
But more than just feeling like a lifeless picture, I've begun to realize how my feelings don't matter. My wants and little desires aren't important. I shouldn't be living for me! I should be living for God, and His glory. It's okay if I don't have the answers (even though not knowing bugs me to death!), it's okay if I don't feel "right" or "normal" - none of that is important! No matter what happens, no matter what I do, God still has a perfect plan, and He remains the same, and He still loves me. No matter what.
Listen to that: God loves me no matter what.
Do you really believe that? Do you really believe that God has a perfect plan for you, one that's better than yours? If you do believe that, than it's time to start living it.
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