A Dance

Okay, let's start off by saying I'm not really okay at the moment. I'm frustrated and tired and confused pretty much every day, and I pray myself to sleep at night and I have to pray myself awake in the morning (which...is totally a good thing. But it's hard, too).

I really feel fine most of the time. But I'm very unsettled underneath. And the tunes that I have been singing keep ringing in my ears because the lyrics explain how I feel. For reals.

Am I at the point of no improvement?
What of the death I still dwell in?
I try to excel, but I feel no movement
Can I be free of this unreleasable sin?

Relient K, For the Moments I Feel Faint

I had a way then losing it all on my own
I had a heart then - but the queen has been overthrown
And I'm not sleeping now; the dark is too hard to beat
And I'm not keeping now the strength I need to push me

Ellie Goulding, Lights

I can't be losing sleep over this
No, I can't
And I cannot stop pacing

Give me a few hours
And I'll have this all sorted out
If my mind would just stop racing

'cause I cannot stand still
I can't be this unsturdy
This cannot be happening

This is over my head but underneath my feet
Cause by tomorrow morning I'll have this thing beat
And everything will be back to the way that it was
I wish that it was just that easy

Lifehouse, Somewhere In Between 

So with this being not okay stuff, when I go to social events, I am only partially engaged. But I go. Because I end up having fun. 

Wednesday night, I went with swing dancing with some friends. Cool, right? Very. Especially since it was my first time. However, I have a heck of a lot of trouble accepting dances from people. A) I'm shy, B) I'm not that great of a  dancer, and C) some guys can be awkward dancers, and it's already awkward for me with a stranger, so...

I spent a lot of time watching the dancers. Some smooth, some not. Some talented and focused, others just goofing off. Two things I noticed.

Dancing is all about confidence.
If you move in all confidence, everyone will think that whatever you are doing is what you're supposed to be doing. It's a free-for-all -- you don't have to be all-knowledgeable. 

Dancing is a beautiful picture of God's relationship with us.

When the girl tries to lead during the dance, nothing works right. Everything gets messed up and confused. It's so easy, being the girl, to start to watch the guy's feet and try to figure out each move for yourself. Following seems really hard. 

But if you follow the guy completely, you realize that the girl has the easiest and most fun role of all. She doesn't have to create the moves or communicate a new move to the other person. She just has to pay attention and go with the flow. She gets to have the fun, without all the pressure. C'est perfe!

So why do we girls try to take control? Why can't we see that that's a worse road to take? 

Interesting, how that's all God's asking of us: to follow Him and enjoy the ride. Just listen to the music, move to the beat, and react to what He's telling you.