thinking out loud

Pretty much every time I write, I’m putting thoughts into words…thoughts that I never knew existed. I’m thinking through each concept as I type. I don’t state my opinions and leave the page open for someone to read it. I tuck the paper on my lap and hide it from view as I scribble word after word after word…

Just thinking out loud on paper.

And today, while listening to the sermon in church today, I realized that David wrote the Psalms in the same way. Ever noticed how despairing and depressed most of them are – and yet lines of hope and trust in God seem to be almost thrown in? David was thinking through things, realizing God’s point of view as he wrote.

But they weren’t just words. Not inward journaling, not kingly records, not a blog post for the world to see.

They were prayers to God.

David was crying out his pain and anger and frustrations to God in a written prayer and as he did so he began to understand the way God was looking at his problems.

Wow. That really excited me. That’s how things happen to me a lot. That’s how I begin to understand something that seemed much too complicated before. I have something in common with David! The same David who killed Goliath, who kept believing even after he was separated from his best friend, was attacked and chased by King Saul; even after he messed up big-time and murdered Uriah just to have his wife…

Obviously, it’s not the amount or the enormity of our mistakes.

We can still be close to God. We can still rest in the light of His plan for our future, no matter how hopeless it all seems.

So even if no one ever reads this blog…even if it never reaches anyone beyond my little circle of friends…I can live with that. Cause it’s God who’s listening. I’m only thinking out loud, after all.

Waiting for His words to shine through mine. Waiting for the brokenness to come, so that His life can make me whole again.