Adventures Never Cease

It's been a little while since I've written. It's like I've been too busy living or something to write. Funny how that works.

This adventure is almost over. I only have TWO WEEKS left in this beautiful place nestled between the mountains. Fourteen days of snow and mountain peaks and "seasonal friends" (I didn't even know that this was a thing until now) and snowboarding and rooming with my bestie and dorm life and teaching little rugrats how to enjoy the snow.

Only a little while longer existing in this place.

Only a little more time with these people who have become part of my life. And I may not see any of them again. Ever.

It's scary how fragile and fast life is. How much time I spend wishing things were different or stressing about how they are...when time is spinning me out of control and I can't hold on. I need more reminders of how important every second is.

My heart is full. I am incredibly sad to go. And yet I can also imagine the relief I will feel as I pack up the life I have here and return home, to familiar faces and places. My cozy attic-like bedroom. The green grass, abundant rainfall, and chirping birds of an Ohio spring. The goofiness and chaos and love that is my family. The friends that I've been horrible at communicating with while I've been here.

This winter season has represented a lot of firsts for me. First time in a dorm (college life without the homework, check). First tattoo (...yeah, I did it). First boyfriend (sheesh how that word still sends shivers up my spine; I have never liked how that word seems to throw one's perception of life out the window). The awe I feel every time I look around me at the mountains. The crazy fear as I launched myself off of a jump I wasn't ready for. The giddy joy I felt in shredding through fresh powder.

Sunburn and heartache and burning desire and dreams come true and snowflakes everywhere and a God who meets me in all of these places.

As I'm struggling with saying goodbye, this verse keeps popping out at me, reminding me that it is time to move forward.

"Don't remember the former things, and don't consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing. It springs out now. Don't you know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert." Isaiah 43:18-19 

I'm gonna need those paths in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. After my short hiatus in Arizona, Virginia, and Ohio, I'll have to kiss vacation goodbye and jump into a job that I honestly don't feel qualified for.

This summer, starting in May, I'm going to be an Adventure Counselor at Lutheran Valley Retreat. It's a camp in the wilderness near Colorado Springs. And trust me, it will be all about God's beautiful creation. I'll be helping lead backpacking trips mostly, so lots of camping and hiking. Plus rock climbing (real rocks, real mountains - none of that wall climbing stuff) and ropes courses and horses and archery and...sorry, but it has been a lot for me to take in, too.

I won't have cell phone service. I may or may not have internet on the weekends. Feel free to reach me with snail mail, guys, cause otherwise you won't be hearing from me!

It's going to be the weirdest combination of full-on introvert time in the wilderness and constant, Caitlin-stretching time with kids and counselors alike.

Yep. I'm just trading this winter adventure for an even crazier summer one. And this time I won't have my amazing bestie Lauren to keep me sane.

I'm going it alone.

Thank you, God, for never leaving me. For sticking around so that even when I'm walking a lonely path, You're there promising me I'm never really alone. And for always teaching me the best and hardest lessons.

The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want. 
I shall not. 
I will not.
I will follow where You lead. 

 

The Leopardess

I am always asking Aslan why I can't return to Narnia by the same way I came the first time. I am always wishing that I could have the same adventure again.

But He draws me away each time and reminds me that nothing is ever the same. Ever.

But there is, however, always a theme. God knows that I love stories and themes and strands that overlap and connect with each other.

My first adventure [I suppose I have had many, but by my first I mean my time spent in Thailand] was all about walking with the feet of a hobbit.

From a lovely place called Pinterest

I took my copy of The Hobbit with me, and I literally dug into the adventure in a new way. I made it my own. I became Bilbo. I felt exactly like him: lost, surrounded by an unknown race of people, continuously missing the comforts of home, feeling completely inadequate for this adventure that I'd rashly jumped into. 

Courtesy of Pinterest

Somehow, God had deemed me perfect for the time in Thailand, and I ended up having a blast, meeting tons of new people, and learning things about myself that I never would have otherwise. And, hey, I'm still alive ;)

This time I am calling my "second adventure." I'm strapped into a place I never thought I'd be, surrounded by mountains taller than anything I've ever seen. I live in Colorado.

I brought The Hobbit with me again this time, thinking how much it had comforted me on my last adventure (always with the appropriate lines of, "how dearly Bilbo missed his hobbit-hole" and whatnot). But the funny thing is that - although I definitely feel like a Bilbo again - that theme, that story, doesn't really apply in this situation.

Through various coincidences, I have come to view myself as having a Narnia adventure. And not only that, but I am a leopardess, walking these snowy paths.

Lauren and I, besties for lifeeee

I have these rad snowboard boots that are covered in leopard-print. I have slipper-boots and now a neck-gator to match. I've never been much for animal prints; they usually say flashy and gaudy and, occasionally, slutty. To be honest, I don't know why I am suddenly obsessed with leopard stuff.

As weird as it sounds, I think it's a God thing.

Because I'm starting to see that He wants me to be a Leopardess here: wild, crazy, different, unafraid to show my colors, true to what I have been created to be.

He's teaching me to run madly, chasing His voice. To be untamed in a world full of cages and chains. To proclaim freedom on this earth. [Don't ask me how that came from leopard-print boots. I'm pretty sure I couldn't make that up.]

I can no longer cling to home. To safety. To a place that I can call my own. I am a drifter, a wanderer, a follower of Christ. There's no turning back now.

My life is one great tangle of crazy coincidences these days. The people I've met, the things I've done, the clothes I've bought, even right down to the food I've eaten...it's all been full of blessings and surprises. And I'm starting to see a theme here: Lauren and I are here to love. We are here to be shooting stars playing in the sky. Wild cats frolicking in the snow and fighting for what we believe in.

Lights.

Free, bold.

Insane.

Lovers.

Jesus freaks.

I believe in God, and that is why this tangle of threads is not a coincidence. It is a purposeful plan. He sweeps me off my feet with His timing...His gifts...His lessons.

Here I stand, Lord, praying that You are using me, even when I cannot see the plan. Even when I lose track of who You have asked me to be. I am the painting, You are Painter. I will let myself become that picture. 

Shredder Girl, Episode 3: Arrival of the Fittest

Seriously though. Guess who the fittest happens to be.

Not us.

Everyone here is chill. And amazing. Okay, I take back the amazing part. Because I'm not sure about Colorado people yet. They're interesting, to be sure. But I feel like everyone here can out-shred us (or at least me) any day, on any board.

I am not going to survive unless I gain some serious snowboarding skill.

We arrived last night, breathless at the craziness and beauty of this journey. But now a slice of reality is on the menu, not least of which is the idea of money.

Paying for you own toilet paper really sets you down a few notches, let me tell you.

I will never, ever take a jar of peanut butter or a refrigerator or toothpaste for granted ever again (and you can remind me of this statement when I look like I'm getting a little too proud, okay?). Grocery shopping is no longer fun. It is a maze of outrageous prices and food that I will never eat again.

Just kidding. It's not that awful. I still don't like paying for stupid things like toilet paper and silverware, though. Maybe it would be cheaper to invest in a bidet...

The mountain is waiting right outside our door and tomorrow...we ride! I am so pumped. And also completely terrified out of my mind because I dont' know how to snowboard on a mountain. I don't know what I'm doing. Plus, I'll be riding a brand-spanking-new board, which is bound to give me a few swerves.

But I made it here.
I'm supposed to be here.
And God is faithful.

I miss everyone back home and I'm not sure how I feel about things here. But it's exciting and demands a bit of awe, this place.

Welcome to adulthood, Caitlin. Welcome to the world of opportunities - and choices.

A few notes about where we are:
1. The room is narrow and cramped. But we turned the two beds into bunk beds, success!
2. Jet lag combined with altitude changes is turning me into lead weight.
3. The people here are either riding or chilling. What else is there to do?
4. I haven't seen the drugs yet. Who knows when that will spring at me. Because yeah, they're legal here.
5. Rugs and bright blankets make a room home. I love my roomie's style <3 p="">6. There's a bunch of movies and books and board games available to borrow from the front desk.
7. We get a free "Thanksgiving" dinner tomorrow night.
8. Laundry. More money. Quarters, anyone?
9. We've already met 3 people from Ohio.
10. So far, no one seems to be talking weird. Bummer. I was hoping to learn knew lingo.

Shredder Girl, Episode 2: Ready...Set...

Exactly 8 months ago to the day, I was stepping on a plane that would take me to Bangkok, Thailand (we had to stop at Chicago and Seoul, South Korea first, but we eventually made it). It was a cold, drearily rainy morning and we had to drive all the way to Cleveland to catch our flight. And hopping on a plane to Thailand came with a heck of a lot of prerequisites, let me tell you.

But somehow I managed to pack, prepare, and survive the 20-hour flight and arrived, breathless and terrified, on a piece of land that was utterly unfamiliar to me.

It seems like so long ago now. The friends I made there seem worlds away. The crazy thing is, my Thailand cohort, Bethany, is back in Thailand right now as we speak. She moved there - for a year. I have a feeling she may never call America home again. Thailand completely captured her heart.

But while Bangkok serenaded all of my senses to the max, it didn't speak to me like a homeland. Instead it spoke to me of a forever foreign and breathtaking land. A place of beauty and kindness, riveting views and astonishing people, and of course, the heat that suffocates as it caresses. I loved it. Yet...it only inspired me to see more. To travel again and again and again and again.

Apparently my great thirst for travel is already to be assuaged, for tomorrow I step out on yet another grand journey with this God of mine. He stretched out His hand and offered me another plane trip (only this one not quite as far away). Another temporary move to a new, thrilling place.

C O L O R A D O .

I barely breathe the word, letting its syllables slide off my tongue and linger in the air, where they expand into slides of sunbeams and fluttering snowflakes and ponds that mirror the incredible beauty of majestic mountains.

God has asked me to move there for 6 months. And I get to snowboard while I'm at it.

I can hardly believe it! It doesn't seem real! Even though my bags are packed - FINALLY (and don't get me started on the outcome of all that backbreaking labor) - my mind just can't wrap itself around the fact that this is actually happening...to me.

And you know what? A part of me doesn't want to go. That part is scared of stepping onto unknown ground, of losing my footing (yet again) and free-falling into God's hands. It's scared of losing things and comfortable jobs and, most of all, people.

Saying goodbye has never been easy for me.

I have been so blessed. I am being so blessed. This crazy God that I am trying to love but only succeeding in betraying, this God who adores His creation and lavishes His love and mercy upon it, this God who is everywhere and knows everything and is beyond what I can understand...this God whom I barely know has already done so much for me.

Besides giving my dreams of travel literal wings with which to take flight and surrounding me with people who love me, He also did something that blows my mind even more.

My Creator died for me.

And somehow that huge cosmic idea of God dying for me and then choosing to spend His time and energy on loving me just blows my mind so much but I still turn around and look at the fake glitz of earth and think that that's where the good stuff is. I see good things in my life and what do I do? I claim them as my rights. They are my reward. I deserve them.

Ha. Puny little Caitlin thinks that she deserves something. Isn't that sweet? Dear immortal that dreams, you deserve nothing from this world. Even less do you deserve something from your Maker.

I am breathless.
I am weightless.

How can there be life better than this? I know that God exists. I know that He loves me.

And I am learning to know Him.

From the hills of Ohio (and soon the mountains of Colorado!),
~Caitlin Marie 

I'll spread my wings
And I'll learn how to fly
Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye
I gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change

And breakaway...
(BreakawaybyKellyClarkson)

Shredder Girl, Episode 1

13 DAYS. 13 DAYS UNTIL I MOVE TO COLORADO. 13 DAYS TILL I LEAVEEEEEE!

I'm kind of in the freak-out stage right now. That point where it's starting to get close enough that it's real inside my head, so close that I can see the mountains and taste difference in the air...but also close enough that I realize that this move is going to be hard, and different, and it's something that I can't prepare for, even if I go to great lengths to ready myself for it.

That's scary.

I'm throwing myself off the proverbial cliff. Going to Colorado scares me. But the excitement for it is greater than any fear. And isn't that the whole point? How exciting would life be if there was no risk or pain or unknowns?

I remember when I rode my first roller coaster with one of my bestest friends, Lauren. We were so pumped to be riding something that big. We sat in the seats like nothing would hold us back. And then the coaster starting click          click                    clicking     up the first hill. As we got higher and higher and closer to the top, we were struck with absolute terror.

We started saying things like, "Why are we doing this?!" and "I don't ever want to do this again." We even accused each other of making the other one do it. Funny how fear turns us into the biggest blamers ever, eh?

But then suddenly we reached the peak of the coaster and we couldn't think of anything except that steep drop into nothingness. We screamed. And screamed. And kept screaming.

And somewhere along the way, during the loop-de-loops and the force-field spins and the crazy speed that made our eyelids peel back, we realized that we were having the most fun of our lives.

How does that even work? Does it honestly make sense to ride roller coasters and have that fear in your stomach, and yet enjoy it?

I don't really know. But I think that that's kind of how life is. And now Lauren and I are stepping onto another roller coaster together. We're going to live together (!!!) in Colorado while being snowboard instructors at a resort on a mountain. How cool is that?!

We're buckled into the seats (our plane tickets are bought, our stuff is being packed, we've set an end date for our Ohio jobs). Now we're clicking our way to the top of this coaster. And it's scary and beyond amazing. 

This chick, Lauren, that I'm going with...she's an amazing, gorgeous, Godly woman, and we have been friends for years. Since we were like 8 or something. We've been skiing and snowboarding together for ages, too. There was one season out at Snow Trails where we both had a red hoodie that we loved to wear on the slopes. I liked hers better, and she liked mine better - naturally - so we decided to switch.

I still have that hoodie. It has VAIL, COLORADO written on it, and it meant a lot to me about our friendship, so I saved it. Yesterday I attempted a few sewing projects, and I turned that hoodie into a drawstring backpack. I'm taking it out to CO with me ^_^

 Then a pocket on one of my hoodies was coming loose, so I decided to mend it...and I went all random and turned the mend into a heart. Sometimes I just love sewing. (And then there's days when nothing could induce me to touch a needle and thread...)

Then ^^^ I posted it them both Instagram. Because I had to. (you can follow me @ caitlin1001)

So what's your roller coaster these days? What's your latest adventure? Has God ever sent you somewhere crazy? Have you ever skied or boarded before?

Day 2 + Shredder Girl Episode 0

Day 2 of the Whole30. Still going strong! Just kidding guys, I know it's going to be more work than that. It also helps that my mom jumped on the bandwagon and is doing this with me (thanks wonderful Mother!). So far I've discovered that...

• Eggs are salvageable, even if I don't like them generally 
• Curbing the snacking means drinking a ton of water
• Working out feels really good
• Cinnamon + sweet potatoes is the sweetest thing ever and I love it

Now, on to the "Shredder Girl" part. I'm not making a reference to shredding paper, or vegetables, or physically shredding anything. If you don't understand snowboarder vocabulary (there's pretty much an entire language only known to those who ride the slopes), then hang with me. A "shredder" is basically anyone who rides a snowboard and is good at it. Usually it's referred to those who are quite good. It's a cool word, so I use it. 

Normally, I would use that term rather lightly, even though I've been riding for several years now (5 years? 6? I'm not sure). Even though I do it every winter and I love it, it's not my highest passion. And I don't like to take on terms that aren't really true of me when I know people who actually fit that. But...yesterday, things changed.

I got offered a job in Colorado. 

I got offered a job in freaking mountainous Colorado!!!

Colorado, land of sparkling lakes, fantastic views, and towering mountains. I honestly can't imagine what it'll be like. I look up pictures on google and I just stare because, really, there's no way that I'm actually going there...

But I am. What the crap. This is happening. And it means that I'm going to be moving again. 

I'm going to be a snowboard instructor on the powder-filled slopes of one of the many mountains out there. Which is why I feel okay labeling myself a shredder. Because even if I'm not good enough right now to deserve the name, then I will be. Because without a doubt I am going to get better.

Just a bit of ending encouragement as I was running on the treadmill today. It sort of stuck with me all day: 

"So I do not run uncertainly or box like one who hits only air. Instead I subdue my body and make it my slave, so that after preaching to others, I myself will not be disqualified."  

1 Corinthians 9:26-27

That's right. Take that, body! Paul is definitely talking about subduing his body in terms of his sinful flesh, with all of its lusts and feelings and whatnot. But I think that it can further be applied to our physical bodies in terms of exercise and food.

Not that everyone has to be a health freak. Just that we are not to be run by our desires for food, or our tendencies to be lazy, or how tired we feel. God enables us to rise above all of that and listen to His voice - instead of our own.

Tips From The One {Still} Awake

Checking in again. I've been busy, in my absence. Projects to be blogged about (complete with pictures) soon! I'm not sure I'll have time this week, as it's spring break and all -- priorities, you know.

Black nail polish with silver sparkles on top looks rad.

If you plan a day just for packing for vacation, make it a different day than the one right before you leave.

Want to smell nice for less? Take a quick walk around the mall - Victoria's Secret and American Eagle have the best fragrances. Plus, you'll get a little extra exercise.

Those are just my tips for the week. Stay tuned for more to come, as I'm off on a new adventure (I'll let you know when I arrive), and I'll probably make some mistakes to blog about.

It's two in the morning here. I've been switching off from Breaking Benjamin and Bleach, two older bands that are relatively new to my music portfolio. Why am I up? Don't ask.

No, really, don't ask. You're liable to get a different answer every time anyway.

Check out Pinterest, while you're at it (find me as kcaittodd). There's infinite possibility on this site and it's a great way to share ideas and borrow some new ones!

I do apologize if this post was boring. I just needed to write and I couldn't think of a better place. There's always 750words (the perfect literary microphone for ranting into cyberspace), but I didn't feel like tossing rocks into an infinite black hole. No thanks. I'd rather know that my words at least have the possibility of being read.

Good night at last! Bonsoir!
~ KoreeGirl ~ The Adventurous One in her Attic Bedroom ~

ps. because my posts aren't complete without a postscript..
pps. ...what do you think about Macs? Good, bad, waste of money, gods of technology?