The Leopardess

I am always asking Aslan why I can't return to Narnia by the same way I came the first time. I am always wishing that I could have the same adventure again.

But He draws me away each time and reminds me that nothing is ever the same. Ever.

But there is, however, always a theme. God knows that I love stories and themes and strands that overlap and connect with each other.

My first adventure [I suppose I have had many, but by my first I mean my time spent in Thailand] was all about walking with the feet of a hobbit.

From a lovely place called Pinterest

I took my copy of The Hobbit with me, and I literally dug into the adventure in a new way. I made it my own. I became Bilbo. I felt exactly like him: lost, surrounded by an unknown race of people, continuously missing the comforts of home, feeling completely inadequate for this adventure that I'd rashly jumped into. 

Courtesy of Pinterest

Somehow, God had deemed me perfect for the time in Thailand, and I ended up having a blast, meeting tons of new people, and learning things about myself that I never would have otherwise. And, hey, I'm still alive ;)

This time I am calling my "second adventure." I'm strapped into a place I never thought I'd be, surrounded by mountains taller than anything I've ever seen. I live in Colorado.

I brought The Hobbit with me again this time, thinking how much it had comforted me on my last adventure (always with the appropriate lines of, "how dearly Bilbo missed his hobbit-hole" and whatnot). But the funny thing is that - although I definitely feel like a Bilbo again - that theme, that story, doesn't really apply in this situation.

Through various coincidences, I have come to view myself as having a Narnia adventure. And not only that, but I am a leopardess, walking these snowy paths.

Lauren and I, besties for lifeeee

I have these rad snowboard boots that are covered in leopard-print. I have slipper-boots and now a neck-gator to match. I've never been much for animal prints; they usually say flashy and gaudy and, occasionally, slutty. To be honest, I don't know why I am suddenly obsessed with leopard stuff.

As weird as it sounds, I think it's a God thing.

Because I'm starting to see that He wants me to be a Leopardess here: wild, crazy, different, unafraid to show my colors, true to what I have been created to be.

He's teaching me to run madly, chasing His voice. To be untamed in a world full of cages and chains. To proclaim freedom on this earth. [Don't ask me how that came from leopard-print boots. I'm pretty sure I couldn't make that up.]

I can no longer cling to home. To safety. To a place that I can call my own. I am a drifter, a wanderer, a follower of Christ. There's no turning back now.

My life is one great tangle of crazy coincidences these days. The people I've met, the things I've done, the clothes I've bought, even right down to the food I've eaten...it's all been full of blessings and surprises. And I'm starting to see a theme here: Lauren and I are here to love. We are here to be shooting stars playing in the sky. Wild cats frolicking in the snow and fighting for what we believe in.

Lights.

Free, bold.

Insane.

Lovers.

Jesus freaks.

I believe in God, and that is why this tangle of threads is not a coincidence. It is a purposeful plan. He sweeps me off my feet with His timing...His gifts...His lessons.

Here I stand, Lord, praying that You are using me, even when I cannot see the plan. Even when I lose track of who You have asked me to be. I am the painting, You are Painter. I will let myself become that picture. 

Shredder Girl, Episode 2: Ready...Set...

Exactly 8 months ago to the day, I was stepping on a plane that would take me to Bangkok, Thailand (we had to stop at Chicago and Seoul, South Korea first, but we eventually made it). It was a cold, drearily rainy morning and we had to drive all the way to Cleveland to catch our flight. And hopping on a plane to Thailand came with a heck of a lot of prerequisites, let me tell you.

But somehow I managed to pack, prepare, and survive the 20-hour flight and arrived, breathless and terrified, on a piece of land that was utterly unfamiliar to me.

It seems like so long ago now. The friends I made there seem worlds away. The crazy thing is, my Thailand cohort, Bethany, is back in Thailand right now as we speak. She moved there - for a year. I have a feeling she may never call America home again. Thailand completely captured her heart.

But while Bangkok serenaded all of my senses to the max, it didn't speak to me like a homeland. Instead it spoke to me of a forever foreign and breathtaking land. A place of beauty and kindness, riveting views and astonishing people, and of course, the heat that suffocates as it caresses. I loved it. Yet...it only inspired me to see more. To travel again and again and again and again.

Apparently my great thirst for travel is already to be assuaged, for tomorrow I step out on yet another grand journey with this God of mine. He stretched out His hand and offered me another plane trip (only this one not quite as far away). Another temporary move to a new, thrilling place.

C O L O R A D O .

I barely breathe the word, letting its syllables slide off my tongue and linger in the air, where they expand into slides of sunbeams and fluttering snowflakes and ponds that mirror the incredible beauty of majestic mountains.

God has asked me to move there for 6 months. And I get to snowboard while I'm at it.

I can hardly believe it! It doesn't seem real! Even though my bags are packed - FINALLY (and don't get me started on the outcome of all that backbreaking labor) - my mind just can't wrap itself around the fact that this is actually happening...to me.

And you know what? A part of me doesn't want to go. That part is scared of stepping onto unknown ground, of losing my footing (yet again) and free-falling into God's hands. It's scared of losing things and comfortable jobs and, most of all, people.

Saying goodbye has never been easy for me.

I have been so blessed. I am being so blessed. This crazy God that I am trying to love but only succeeding in betraying, this God who adores His creation and lavishes His love and mercy upon it, this God who is everywhere and knows everything and is beyond what I can understand...this God whom I barely know has already done so much for me.

Besides giving my dreams of travel literal wings with which to take flight and surrounding me with people who love me, He also did something that blows my mind even more.

My Creator died for me.

And somehow that huge cosmic idea of God dying for me and then choosing to spend His time and energy on loving me just blows my mind so much but I still turn around and look at the fake glitz of earth and think that that's where the good stuff is. I see good things in my life and what do I do? I claim them as my rights. They are my reward. I deserve them.

Ha. Puny little Caitlin thinks that she deserves something. Isn't that sweet? Dear immortal that dreams, you deserve nothing from this world. Even less do you deserve something from your Maker.

I am breathless.
I am weightless.

How can there be life better than this? I know that God exists. I know that He loves me.

And I am learning to know Him.

From the hills of Ohio (and soon the mountains of Colorado!),
~Caitlin Marie 

I'll spread my wings
And I'll learn how to fly
Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye
I gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change

And breakaway...
(BreakawaybyKellyClarkson)