Shredder Girl, Episode 1

13 DAYS. 13 DAYS UNTIL I MOVE TO COLORADO. 13 DAYS TILL I LEAVEEEEEE!

I'm kind of in the freak-out stage right now. That point where it's starting to get close enough that it's real inside my head, so close that I can see the mountains and taste difference in the air...but also close enough that I realize that this move is going to be hard, and different, and it's something that I can't prepare for, even if I go to great lengths to ready myself for it.

That's scary.

I'm throwing myself off the proverbial cliff. Going to Colorado scares me. But the excitement for it is greater than any fear. And isn't that the whole point? How exciting would life be if there was no risk or pain or unknowns?

I remember when I rode my first roller coaster with one of my bestest friends, Lauren. We were so pumped to be riding something that big. We sat in the seats like nothing would hold us back. And then the coaster starting click          click                    clicking     up the first hill. As we got higher and higher and closer to the top, we were struck with absolute terror.

We started saying things like, "Why are we doing this?!" and "I don't ever want to do this again." We even accused each other of making the other one do it. Funny how fear turns us into the biggest blamers ever, eh?

But then suddenly we reached the peak of the coaster and we couldn't think of anything except that steep drop into nothingness. We screamed. And screamed. And kept screaming.

And somewhere along the way, during the loop-de-loops and the force-field spins and the crazy speed that made our eyelids peel back, we realized that we were having the most fun of our lives.

How does that even work? Does it honestly make sense to ride roller coasters and have that fear in your stomach, and yet enjoy it?

I don't really know. But I think that that's kind of how life is. And now Lauren and I are stepping onto another roller coaster together. We're going to live together (!!!) in Colorado while being snowboard instructors at a resort on a mountain. How cool is that?!

We're buckled into the seats (our plane tickets are bought, our stuff is being packed, we've set an end date for our Ohio jobs). Now we're clicking our way to the top of this coaster. And it's scary and beyond amazing. 

This chick, Lauren, that I'm going with...she's an amazing, gorgeous, Godly woman, and we have been friends for years. Since we were like 8 or something. We've been skiing and snowboarding together for ages, too. There was one season out at Snow Trails where we both had a red hoodie that we loved to wear on the slopes. I liked hers better, and she liked mine better - naturally - so we decided to switch.

I still have that hoodie. It has VAIL, COLORADO written on it, and it meant a lot to me about our friendship, so I saved it. Yesterday I attempted a few sewing projects, and I turned that hoodie into a drawstring backpack. I'm taking it out to CO with me ^_^

 Then a pocket on one of my hoodies was coming loose, so I decided to mend it...and I went all random and turned the mend into a heart. Sometimes I just love sewing. (And then there's days when nothing could induce me to touch a needle and thread...)

Then ^^^ I posted it them both Instagram. Because I had to. (you can follow me @ caitlin1001)

So what's your roller coaster these days? What's your latest adventure? Has God ever sent you somewhere crazy? Have you ever skied or boarded before?

Friendship (is) in the Rapids

Sometimes we have to do things that are hard.

I'm kind of having a "duh" moment, in case you were wondering. But it's late, so I think I am entitled to a few less-than-intellectual realizations. 

Friendships should not be taken for granted. Any relationship, in fact, should not reach the point where it seems to be a permanent fixture in your life and thus does not need as much constant attention. ERROR MESSAGE. Faulty reasoning is at play!

If you rent a car, or a microwave, or even a pair of socks, you know that their presence is temporary, and you treat them as such. You use them a lot for just what they were made for. You try to keep them clean and presentable so that when you return them you don't have to pay extra fees. But for the most part, you use them and ignore them and kind of enjoy them.

But when you save and save and save and SAVE to buy your own car, you are so excited to finally own it that you treat it like gold. You love on it. You clean it. You take care of it. You probably talk to it like it's a friend. It changes from a temporary side-item to something worth so much more. Why? Because you put time and effort into owning it. You chose it. You "earned" it.

In the very same way, any relationship that makes it past the acquaintance we-watch-movies-together-occasionally stage deserves attention and deserves to be made into something of worth. Okay, it's not exactly the same as the car example, because once you have a really good friend you don't "own" them.

But the point I'm trying to knock into my head is this: the more something is in my life, the more attention I should pay to it.

Instead, I start seeing people as fixtures in my life and I'm just swimming through them, doing whatever I please, not realizing that if I care (and I do) I need to make it clear to them and myself that I care. That they are not taken for granted.

Oof. I thought getting past the less-than-true-friends stage meant pushing into more tranquil waters. Ha! That's only the beginning of the rapids! Yet, like Pocohontas, I think that I'd always choose the narrower, wilder path of the river. Because you can't find safety by looking for it.

In fact, I'm not sure that you can find safety at all...

Do you really want to find it?

Pourquoi Ma Vie!

My lovely friends, Jenn and Cassie  are basically half French. I've always wanted to learn French in France, so it makes me happy to be able to be around people who love French, too. I also went with Cassie on a trip to visit her Quebecoise friends in Montreal/Jolliet this summer; to sum it up, I spent five days listening to everyone talk in French and becoming ecstatic when I understood a word or short phrase. It was pretty humbling. 

Anyway, Jenn and Cassie got saying this crazy little phrase: "Pourquoi ma vie?!" Literally, it translates as "why my life?" I say it when I am feeling unjustly treated by life. Haha.

This morning I opened up Jesus Calling and read these words: Grow strong in your weakness. Not exactly self-explanatory, but it was no more paradoxical than things about conquering your fear and that being a servant makes you great, and other things like that. So I tried to let the concept wash over me. Tried not to figure it out too much.

The rest of the devotional explained that God wants to foster trust in us by using our weaknesses to show His own strength...and by letting us wander in the dark so that we physically cannot figure things out. He shows us that knowledge comes from Him, and Him alone.

It was a bunch of stuff I'd heard before. But still. I hadn't really understood it before. Which just reinforces the whole point of God being the one who reveals stuff to me - in His own timing.

So what does "pourquoi ma vie" have to do with all of this? Well, one of the verse references for this devotional was James 4. And verse four seriously jumped out at me. And made me chuckle and say, "Pourquoi ma vie!"

"For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away."

[James 4:4]

Whoa, James. Why don't you ask me a harder question? James is pretty straight-forward. I admire that a lot. Honesty is usually not easy, especially if, like me, you have a tendency to want to please people more than anything else...yeah, it gets me into lots of half-truths and trouble. 

Wanna hear the French translation of all this? 

"Pour ce qui est votre vie? il ya même une vapeur qui paraît pour un peu de temps et qui ensuite disparaît."

Let's just say that I'm going to be asking myself this question a lot today. Isn't it weird to think how small and short our lives are? How quick they are ended? 

Vapor, fog, smoke...things you can see, smell, feel. But things you cannot grasp and cannot keep. Transparent things that you see other things through - or that clouds your perception of other things. 

So as you're sipping your morning, afternoon, or sixth cup of the day coffee, look at the little vapors coming off the hot surface and realize that you are one of them. Your life is short. What do you want your life to be about? What do you want this little drifting vapor to say to the world?

Fears and Fun :D

Happy Labor Day Weekend everybody! (Thought I'd put this at the front, since by the time I get to the end of my post, I may forget to say it. And I really wanted to say it. So I did.)

Sorry to say (actually, I'm not THAT sorry to say it :P) that I have been far too busy with my social schedule to bother with my writing. But, one needs a break from writing every now and again, right??

So after going to my grandparents house on Thursday and Friday (my grandma gave me this really unique necklace that she got from Finland!), I went to a park and played sports with my friends. Sports are so wonderful :). After exhausting ourselves (I try to group us all together, but I think I'm probably more of a wimp than most of them), we bought some half-gallons of ice cream (woot!) and ate it at a friend's house, had a bonfire, and played Capture-The-Flag in the dark.

I sustained several injuries. Words of wisdom: don't try to attack the ground when you're playing soccer - it can leave scars. And hitting the volleyball without aiming can have disastrous results. Despite the enjoyment of playing soccer in bare feet, I wish that some people (won't mention any names *cough*) weren't wearing cleats...but I'll let the bruise on my foot tell the story. Later.

My friend spent the night and we watched Bourne Ultimatum (I think I went to bed around 2:30am).

Today, I went shopping and bought some comfy, plaid (plaid! love the plaid!) flannel shirts. I love autumn, and wearing autumn clothing. We ate at Arby's, and, wonder of wonders, I really like that place! Their curly fries leave an impression (a good one, of course). To think that I didn't eat at Arby's till I was eighteen years old...

That's gotta be worth a page in the history books ;)

I smell like guy cologne (is all cologne for guys? I have no idea) from Hollister (oh yeahhh baby) and it's making me happy :) I'm thinking about buying some. For myself :P [Can you honestly say that you've never wanted to buy guy clothing/cologne before? If you can, I am shocked. Shocked. Only girls can answer that lol.]

Riding home from my grandparents house (yes, I'm backtracking here - amazing how words allow you to go backwards or forwards in time), the rain was falling on my windows, and I was listening to The Fray (perfect rainy-day music). And I suddenly realized what my two biggest fears are.

1. That I will waste my life.
2. That someone I know, one of my friends or relatives, will waste their lives, will die without knowing Christ, and will be forever lost to me. (And I will know that it's my fault, because I didn't do enough. It's true. I'm a horrible friend =/)

The only thing that all of these random thoughts/actions have in common is that they occurred this weekend. And I felt like telling you :) Clearing my thoughts, sharing my little joys and trials. It feels good, sometimes.

I'm pretty darn happy with my weekend (and it's not even over yet!). Hope you are, too.

<3 Elizabeth-Marie {Em} <3

If Today Was Your Last Day by Nickelback (lyrics)

My best friend gave me the best advice
He said each day's a gift and not a given right
Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind
And try to take the path less traveled by
That first step you take is the longest stride

Chorus:
If today was your last day
And tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donate every dime you had,
If today was your last day?
What if, what if, if today was your last day?

Against the grain should be a way of life
What's worth the price is always worth the fight
Every second counts 'cause there's no second try
So live like you're never living twice
Don't take the free ride in your own life

Chorus:
If today was your last day
And tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donate every dime you had?
And would you call those friends you never see?
Reminisce old memories?
Would you forgive your enemies?
And would you find that one you're dreaming of?
Swear up and down to God above
That you'd finally fall in love if today was your last day?

If today was your last day,
Would you make your mark by mending a broken heart?
You know it's never too late to shoot for the stars
Regardless of who you are

So do whatever it takes
'Cause you can't rewind a moment in this life
Let nothing stand in your way
'Cause the hands of time are never on your side

Chorus:
If today was your last day,
And tomorrow was too late,
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last,
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donate every dime you had,
And would you call those friends you never see?
Reminisce old memories?
Would you forgive your enemies?
And would you find that one you're dreaming of?
Swear up and down to God above
That you'd finally fall in love?

If today was your last day…

Memories

Oh, how many times have I recalled doing things that I enjoyed, and thought, "Good Times!" with relish - and a small taint of regret that those good times are over...but they shall be replaced by new good times. But I can still relive events and thoughts that are gone, all by turning to my memory; there I can once more vividly experience things from my past. Of course, as time goes by, some memories fade away. And that is why living for today, and letting go of the past, is so important: we only have today! We only have this minute...the rest is either history or unknown future.

God created each of us with a wonderful mind so that we can think about, decide, create, and know many things. But one of the most special things about our minds is our memory. It is amazing all the things that are recorded there! Some of our most embarrassing and hurtful moments (which we'd rather forget...but then again, maybe that all adds to our conscience, and reminds us that we fail, and encourages us to try harder) are documented there, as are important events and actions that make us happy and remind us of our past life. We can remember sounds, sights, colors, actions, faces, places, words said to one another...So much we are able to remember! It is fantastic!

Not only events are noted by our minds, but also important information, like your friend's favorite color, your home phone number and address, what your friends and family look like (okay, so you probably take THAT for granted! LOL. But think about it: what if you had to re-acquaint yourself with all the people that you know? Well, than you really wouldn't know anyone, cause you couldn't remember who they are), what you own, what you do, what you are supposed to do (chores...blech), and just think of all the problems you would have if you couldn't remember the stuff you learn in school! hehe...yeah, well, maybe that wouldn't be so bad...just kidding! I love learning.

Anyway, my point is, God gave us one incredible gift when he endowed us with our memory. So thank Him for that today! Show your appreciation by REMEMBERING that He made you...or by MEMORIZING some scripture!!

{And as a note to all you out there who know me personally: Thank you so so much for creating memories with me! I enjoy looking back at times spent snowboarding with friends, playing cards and watching movies with my family...and just goofing off with all the crazy, AWESOME people that I know! God has truly blessed me by giving me all of you <3 Thank you! Thank you!}