I'm in complete turmoil at the moment. Isn't it odd to have peace and happiness as the same time that your heart is bleeding and hurting? I think so. Apparently, my heart doesn't, though.
I feel the utter need to talk to someone about it all and in the absence of a friend, I'm turning to you, my dear bloggers. My family is around me but having five brothers kind of shuts down any talk about the emotional/heart crap. (Er, I don't mean crap. It's serious business, serious enough to hurt, but I still hate myself for the roller coaster I'm always on.)
God is waiting for me to come and talk with Him, I think. Rrrgh. But I don't want to! Another emotion going on here, I suppose. It's not about what I want. At least, it shouldn't be.
Can you tell I'm tired? Yeah, just a bit.
<3 Au Revoir <3
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Simple
Life isn't simple.
But it's not complicated either.
Life isn't all good -- there's always going to be hard things, bad things that happen, things that we wish we could forget happened.
But we know that "all things work together for good to those who love God" (Romans 8:28).
I complicate things in my mind, though. I feel surrounded by doubt - because I'm surrounded by the world. I don't dig deeper into God; I dig deeper into the world. But I want to know who He is. I want to love Him with my whole heart!!
What is it that Paul says? He does the things he does not want to do, and the things he doesn't want to do, he does. Every day is a battle against our flesh. Against what we were born into (sin).
Anyway, this is the struggle I have been dealing with. On one side is God (so simple a thought, just that word: God). On the other...is everything else that I want in this world. Dreams, friends, food, money, everything perishable and yet not inherently evil. It's like a clamorous room filled to the brim.
And across the hallway I see an open door. I don't know what lies behind it, really, because I haven't taken the time to look. There's just a wall of white, like fog. Only the fog doesn't seem to be trying to conceal. It wants to reveal God to me. He wants to reveal Himself to me! But I turn and walk away nearly every time.
So I leave you with this one simple verse: “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the law?” Jesus said to him, “ ‘You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.”
[Matthew 22:36-40]
But it's not complicated either.
Life isn't all good -- there's always going to be hard things, bad things that happen, things that we wish we could forget happened.
But we know that "all things work together for good to those who love God" (Romans 8:28).
I complicate things in my mind, though. I feel surrounded by doubt - because I'm surrounded by the world. I don't dig deeper into God; I dig deeper into the world. But I want to know who He is. I want to love Him with my whole heart!!
What is it that Paul says? He does the things he does not want to do, and the things he doesn't want to do, he does. Every day is a battle against our flesh. Against what we were born into (sin).
Anyway, this is the struggle I have been dealing with. On one side is God (so simple a thought, just that word: God). On the other...is everything else that I want in this world. Dreams, friends, food, money, everything perishable and yet not inherently evil. It's like a clamorous room filled to the brim.
And across the hallway I see an open door. I don't know what lies behind it, really, because I haven't taken the time to look. There's just a wall of white, like fog. Only the fog doesn't seem to be trying to conceal. It wants to reveal God to me. He wants to reveal Himself to me! But I turn and walk away nearly every time.
So I leave you with this one simple verse: “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the law?” Jesus said to him, “ ‘You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.”
[Matthew 22:36-40]
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Search Me
Psalm 139:23-24 ~
Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: and see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
This is my prayer today. He knows my heart, my every thought, all of the moments I've slipped in the darkness...and every tear I've cried in secret. I'm quite a secretive person, and while there are times I wish I opened up more to my friends and family, my enigmaticness has made my relationship with God that much more important and profound.
Ah, profound. We all want to be that person who spouts profound sayings just at the right moment. A few stare open-mouthed at you, awed by your obvious wisdom, but most of the others immediately begin contemplating and discussing what you've just said.
Nah. I'll leave that to God. Honestly, the only profound things I've ever said have been words that are His. Sometimes they are direct quotes from the Bible. But other times, they are words that I know He spoke through me...because I couldn't have said it any other way. It's a beautiful thing, His words. So powerful.
As I'm sure I've mentioned before (many, many times), I love to write. Words are constantly filling my head, ready to stream out onto paper. I've filled many journals and notebooks with my thoughts, prayers, and silly fictional fabrications. I think I've lost quite a few scraps of paper to the unknown, as well :P I believe that these words are my talent. The gift God chose to endow me with. I wish I knew how to use them better for His glory.
We all have a talent/gift/skill given to us by God. Sometimes it's not as evident at first, and we have to take time to discover it. Other times we know immediately because it's what we love to do.
What is yours?
How do you plan on using it for a purpose?
Are you excited to see the plan God has in store for your life, and the adventure He wants to take you on with the talents He's given you?
:)
[because smileys can say so much and yet say nothing at all]
Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: and see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
This is my prayer today. He knows my heart, my every thought, all of the moments I've slipped in the darkness...and every tear I've cried in secret. I'm quite a secretive person, and while there are times I wish I opened up more to my friends and family, my enigmaticness has made my relationship with God that much more important and profound.
Ah, profound. We all want to be that person who spouts profound sayings just at the right moment. A few stare open-mouthed at you, awed by your obvious wisdom, but most of the others immediately begin contemplating and discussing what you've just said.
Nah. I'll leave that to God. Honestly, the only profound things I've ever said have been words that are His. Sometimes they are direct quotes from the Bible. But other times, they are words that I know He spoke through me...because I couldn't have said it any other way. It's a beautiful thing, His words. So powerful.
As I'm sure I've mentioned before (many, many times), I love to write. Words are constantly filling my head, ready to stream out onto paper. I've filled many journals and notebooks with my thoughts, prayers, and silly fictional fabrications. I think I've lost quite a few scraps of paper to the unknown, as well :P I believe that these words are my talent. The gift God chose to endow me with. I wish I knew how to use them better for His glory.
We all have a talent/gift/skill given to us by God. Sometimes it's not as evident at first, and we have to take time to discover it. Other times we know immediately because it's what we love to do.
What is yours?
How do you plan on using it for a purpose?
Are you excited to see the plan God has in store for your life, and the adventure He wants to take you on with the talents He's given you?
:)
[because smileys can say so much and yet say nothing at all]
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